Reblogged this back in January, right around that time with you. Heh Really funny.
Once and for all.
I’m not much of a writer but I’d like to write my heart out. I don’t know how else to express what my heart has contained for the past few weeks. You might see pain, frustrations or bitterness but please, don’t judge. You don’t know where I’m coming from. But if you should know one thing, I’m fighting through all these.
First of all, sometimes, I wish you just never said a word to me again. I was already doing fine without hearing from you. And you just had to say hello. Why? Why me? I wouldn’t have had to hear all those things you said to me after that if you just hadn’t. Now, those words, do they even mean anything anymore? Did they ever mean anything? I also wonder, did you ever think how I would feel hearing those things? Did you care enough to be careful with your words? Did you ever care what I would feel in case you never get to follow through with your words? These are just questions that are now left unanswered.
You asked me to trust you, and I did. I was hoping I wasn’t making a mistake for doing so the second time around, but it looks like I let myself down again. I honestly feel dumb. I never thought I’d go through this all over again. And it’s definitely harder now to just forget about everything because of the things that were spoken that I believe should’ve just been left unsaid if you weren’t sure anyways. Now I know we both said we didn’t want to move ahead of God, but really, some things are better left unsaid.
I wonder how serious you were when you said you were serious, because you walked away like your heart was never in it in the first place. It’s as if you did the very thing you said you didn’t want to do - to hurt me. Maybe I’m just assuming, but I was given every reason to. Can you blame me? A simple “sorry” would’ve made things okay.
Just when I was ready to give my heart away, to love without holding back and fight for what mattered to me…
I know I’m not meant to stay where I am or dwell in my hurts and I trust Jesus will bring victory upon my situation. And this yet again struggle-to-victory journey will point only to Him. Things may be chaotic and confusing now but knowing that this will mold me to be the person God has destined me to be and that this will lead me to the perfect will of God, I am left with HOPE. My hope is in the Lord. One day, He will make all things right. The Defender and Protector of this heart will fight for this princess. I love You, Jesus. Apart from You, I have no good thing. Apart from You, I can do nothing. Thank You for sustaining me. We’ll get through this together. You are for me.
“She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.”